[That's. Touching? He honestly doesn't know how to deal with this. Sadly, he wouldn't be massively less confused even if this kind of concern was coming from someone not Bill.]
Thanks? Only, I have this thing, where I don't let power-tripping jerks with guns boss me around. I mean, even back when one of them very much did torture me pretty regularly, because I was dumb and let him get me in a box.
[This isn't the bravado of someone who doesn't think anyone can touch him. He knows he can be humbled. He just doesn't care.]
Well, the former mass of Mentarsus-H is a black hole already. Maybe I'd just...go there.
[And now he is. Slightly curious. He shakes his head.]
Nevermind. The point is, that if there's a weapon that could murder everyone on board simultaneously, and he'd be willing to use it out of a grudge or paranoia or whatever, then that's a real good reason not let him have that weapon, not to suddenly reverse all barge policy and let the most dickish inmate call the shots.
I mean, forget me, what if he tries to use it on Jean? What if he knocks it with his elbow, and it goes off at a piece of wall and gets the ship itself? What if someone puts crack in the punch bowl and he gets paranoid, and shoots the next person he sees? This isn't a situation where the restraint of the individual is the line of defense to rely on, you know?
I'M ALSO TALKING TO JEAN ABOUT IT! ... I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALAN. I'VE GOT EVEN LESS OF AN IDEA ABOUT HOW HE WORKS.
ANYWAY, I DON'T THINK HE CAME ONBOARD WITH IT, BUT HE'S A SMART COOKIE. LAST TIME HE WAS HERE HE MADE SHOCK-GLOVES IN ABOUT TWO DAYS FROM WHAT HE HAD IN HIS ROOM.
[Although it makes sense Bill wouldn't know; he's only ever needed himself, presumably.]
Not quite the same magnitude, but I take your point. How much do you know about the gun itself? I mean, that's gotta have crazy requirements, parts and power source wise.
HE'S... IT WAS A LOT MORE CHARMING WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER.
...HE'LL HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING MORE OF THAT. JUST, LISTEN. HE ALSO HAS A PISTOL THAT CAUSES EARLY-ONSET DEMENTIA. THE GUY'S ARSENAL IS LIKE A WAR CRIME MUSEUM. DON'T GIVE HIM A REASON, HUH?
[Dillon goes - focused. Leans forward, just a little, subconsciously. This is absolutely a fight me reaction. He stops. Takes a breath.]
...so, now I'm like, 65% sure you're trying to reverse-psych set me up to hate him.
[Does Dillon have a thing about dementia? You betcha. There's probably five pound hints about it in the communicator logs somewhere.]
But it doesn't matter? He's a prisoner, and if he's war-crime-inclined, now is when he gets to start shaping the hell up. And if he thinks being what I am or doing my job counts as a reason, then he gets to learn more about the fun world of being super wrong. And I'm not going to overreact to any of those things unless he gives me a reason.
But I'll keep my eyes open.
[Which is to say: Dillon won't intentionally blind himself the way he tries to do with most people, these days.]
[This is pretty much the only form this emotion comes in anymore, barring floods tossing out four years of psychological progress.
This emotion - doesn't go away. But Dillon holds it tighter. He tilts his head, looks at Bill thoughtfully.]
So. I'm definitely not going to shut my mouth because I'm worried about me. But if there's stuff you don't want me to tell him, because it's, like, about you and your issues, and kind of personal, I won't.
[Dillon makes a bit of a face, because - this is hard question, even before he gets into the question of who Bill lets Dillon believe he is, and who else he might really be. Dillon doesn't totally know what it means to have - or be - a friend, or whether they have to go together. He didn't have any, really, until he came here. There was Maddie in the interregnum, as it were, but god knows how that turned out.
Abigail. Tiffany. Steve. Scott. Alec. Gene and Jean. He can't rely on Bill, but he can't rely on Steve, either. Is he still Steve's friend?
Was he Lourdes?
Not that philosophy is the point of the question. Lourdes, though.]
Yes, Bill, I'm your friend. So yeah, there's - things I owe to you that I don't owe to him, or to lots of inmates that I just ignore. That's true.
[Whether or not Bill is his, which is a separate question, probably, from whether Bill would say so.]
But friends don't enable friends' bad patterns. And if he's as dangerous as you say he is, then I'm one of the wardens who shouldn't ignore him, and I think it's part of my job here not to make inmates worse.
And. Which is maybe the real point, I'm not ashamed of being your friend. I don't care what he thinks about that, or what threats he'd try to make. I refuse to act like I am.
[Well, ok, that's weird. This is the sound of mental notes being reshuffled. Bad backfire. He can't push against this now.]
YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOING TO END WELL. BUT YOU DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO I GUESS!
[It's not that he thinks what Dillon said is completely meaningless, but, mm, yeah, any interaction with Ford is going to kill Bill's chances of getting any help in the future.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
orderfromchaos) wrote2012-07-01 06:39 am
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[That's. Touching? He honestly doesn't know how to deal with this. Sadly, he wouldn't be massively less confused even if this kind of concern was coming from someone not Bill.]
Thanks? Only, I have this thing, where I don't let power-tripping jerks with guns boss me around. I mean, even back when one of them very much did torture me pretty regularly, because I was dumb and let him get me in a box.
[This isn't the bravado of someone who doesn't think anyone can touch him. He knows he can be humbled. He just doesn't care.]
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THESE ARE THE KIND OF THINGS I'M NOT SURE OF!
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[And now he is. Slightly curious. He shakes his head.]
Nevermind. The point is, that if there's a weapon that could murder everyone on board simultaneously, and he'd be willing to use it out of a grudge or paranoia or whatever, then that's a real good reason not let him have that weapon, not to suddenly reverse all barge policy and let the most dickish inmate call the shots.
I mean, forget me, what if he tries to use it on Jean? What if he knocks it with his elbow, and it goes off at a piece of wall and gets the ship itself? What if someone puts crack in the punch bowl and he gets paranoid, and shoots the next person he sees? This isn't a situation where the restraint of the individual is the line of defense to rely on, you know?
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ANYWAY, I DON'T THINK HE CAME ONBOARD WITH IT, BUT HE'S A SMART COOKIE. LAST TIME HE WAS HERE HE MADE SHOCK-GLOVES IN ABOUT TWO DAYS FROM WHAT HE HAD IN HIS ROOM.
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[Although it makes sense Bill wouldn't know; he's only ever needed himself, presumably.]
Not quite the same magnitude, but I take your point. How much do you know about the gun itself? I mean, that's gotta have crazy requirements, parts and power source wise.
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[Long pause.]
YEAH. YEAH, I KNOW.
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...HE'LL HAVE A HARD TIME FINDING MORE OF THAT. JUST, LISTEN. HE ALSO HAS A PISTOL THAT CAUSES EARLY-ONSET DEMENTIA. THE GUY'S ARSENAL IS LIKE A WAR CRIME MUSEUM. DON'T GIVE HIM A REASON, HUH?
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...so, now I'm like, 65% sure you're trying to reverse-psych set me up to hate him.
[Does Dillon have a thing about dementia? You betcha. There's probably five pound hints about it in the communicator logs somewhere.]
But it doesn't matter? He's a prisoner, and if he's war-crime-inclined, now is when he gets to start shaping the hell up. And if he thinks being what I am or doing my job counts as a reason, then he gets to learn more about the fun world of being super wrong. And I'm not going to overreact to any of those things unless he gives me a reason.
But I'll keep my eyes open.
[Which is to say: Dillon won't intentionally blind himself the way he tries to do with most people, these days.]
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[this is a super fun emotion going on, but at the moment it's not easily controlled, and that's not something Bill is into.]
YOU THINK WHATEVER YOU LIKE, AS LONG AS YOU DUCK.
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This emotion - doesn't go away. But Dillon holds it tighter. He tilts his head, looks at Bill thoughtfully.]
So. I'm definitely not going to shut my mouth because I'm worried about me. But if there's stuff you don't want me to tell him, because it's, like, about you and your issues, and kind of personal, I won't.
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So, I'm not going to pretend I don't know you like you're a wacky yellow leper, or pretend that I'm not invested in your whole -
[Dillon waves a hand]
- situation, here. But I'll consider everything you've told me to be in confidence, when it comes to him.
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[bill does not have leprosy.]
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[8O !!!!]
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[theres no way to prove for sure!!]
LOOK, HE'LL BE EASIER TO DEAL WITH IF HE THINKS I DON'T HAVE ALLIES.
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TOLD YOU, I KNOW HIM. HERE'S THE NARRATIVE HE WANTS: I'M THE BAD GUY AND NOBODY LIKES ME. HE GETS THAT, HE'LL MOVE IN A PREDICTABLE WAY.
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[So, obviously, Dillon should render it a moot tactic.]
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But I'm not his warden in exactly the same way I'm not yours.
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Abigail. Tiffany. Steve. Scott. Alec. Gene and Jean. He can't rely on Bill, but he can't rely on Steve, either. Is he still Steve's friend?
Was he Lourdes?
Not that philosophy is the point of the question. Lourdes, though.]
Yes, Bill, I'm your friend. So yeah, there's - things I owe to you that I don't owe to him, or to lots of inmates that I just ignore. That's true.
[Whether or not Bill is his, which is a separate question, probably, from whether Bill would say so.]
But friends don't enable friends' bad patterns. And if he's as dangerous as you say he is, then I'm one of the wardens who shouldn't ignore him, and I think it's part of my job here not to make inmates worse.
And. Which is maybe the real point, I'm not ashamed of being your friend. I don't care what he thinks about that, or what threats he'd try to make. I refuse to act like I am.
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[Well, ok, that's weird. This is the sound of mental notes being reshuffled. Bad backfire. He can't push against this now.]
YEAH, THAT'S NOT GOING TO END WELL. BUT YOU DO WHAT YOU WANNA DO I GUESS!
[It's not that he thinks what Dillon said is completely meaningless, but, mm, yeah, any interaction with Ford is going to kill Bill's chances of getting any help in the future.
Oh well, that's why you make backups.]
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[This is more rueful and less smug than it would be with almost anyone else, somehow.]
If it does, I promise you can vandalize my cabin with several creative renditions of 'I told you so.'
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Guess I just have to not let him kill us.