orderfromchaos | 13. Lucky penny

[The memories reintegrating is exactly as strange as last time, fluid and roughly granulated at the same time, like having mud dragged through the crevices of his brain. He gulps for air, grits his teeth, pieces of him that are non-contiguous fitting forcibly together, gear teeth biting and grinding untill they snap and start to turn, the quiet weeks with Tessic like a deep breath in his chest, the barge a cacophany smacking him and then sinking inside, stones skipped into a river: Elsa, wary and brittle and bright; Vin with her severity and her old eyes and leaf-dappled shadow; Iris and the careful space between them like a fur coat, warm and safe and guilty; Hannibal like a cold hand on his shoulder; Abigail like the rocky ravines back home, harsh and amazing and beautiful. He clenches and unclenches his fists until it's easy to breath again, then gets up.]

[Spam for Elsa]

[He goes to see her first, in person, knocks on her door, relieved it's still there.]

I'm back. I don't know - I'm back.

[Filtered to Abigail, Helena, Vin, Jean, Iris, Bucky and Derek]

I didn't mean to go. The admiral - I was just home, I didn't ask for it, I didn't remember. I know - after what happened it might have looked like that, like I was running away, but I really didn't.

Just. So you know.

[He's run from a lot of things in his life. It's a character flaw he's aware of. But he didn't, not this time.]

[Public video]

How many of you saw parts of your future back during that flood where all our timelines got mixed up? Or any other time, for that matter?

I mean. What are we supposed to do with that? Knowing it's coming, but not when or why or how exactly. Should we do anything?

[A frown, a glance away, not biting his lip but kind of wanting to.]

Do you believe in fate, I guess, is my question. And what does it mean if you do.

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But it'd still be nice to have someone tell you what you need to do.

[He looks down, smiling gently.]

Yeah. That'd probably be too easy, though.

Yeah.

[A breath gusts heavily out of him, because - that's it, exactly.]

I have - people I can trust here. None of them really know what I should do, but - at least I have them. There...

[Not so much, not really.]

What about you?

Some of my friends from home are here. They're there, and I'm glad, but--

[He smiles a little, shakes his head.]

They think I know what to do. I don't know if they realize that I'm just...stumbling. All the time.

[He laughs a little, worn-soft, more understanding than amusement.]

At least my - the people I'm working with. They all pretty much know I'm a disaster.

[This is admittedly why the two he didn't accidentally kill fucked off to let him deal with the mess on his own. But he deserves it.]

People who don't really know me, though - I'm like, stupid famous. People think I can save them, and - I don't know. I just don't.

[Scott's smile echoes Dillon's laugh.]

It feels like we're supposed to figure it out eventually, you know? Like one day we'll just know.

[But he's sure that's never coming.]

Right?

And I do just know things, all the time, but it's always like, oh, my profiler has leukemia, or oh shit, aliens are invading. Like. Thanks, brain, that's helpful.

[That gets an honest laugh out of him, if a slightly surprised one.]

That's me and my nose. And I work at an animal clinic. It sucked realizing how many of them just weren't gonna make it.

[But that is such a downer and he does not want to leave it there. So he smiles a little, shakes his head.]

Why don't we hang out more, man?

Yeah, damn. That's awful.

I don't know. It's weirdly busy here? Like everything always happens at once.

Plus we get alternating infirmary and clinic shifts since we're wardens.

[He nods, falling silent for a moment. A smile places across his mouth.]

Next time there isn't a crisis...do you like video games?

I...

[He gets a weird look; it's been so long. Over three years since he left home, maybe more like four with all his time on the barge.]

I did. I mean, I do, I guess. Yeah.

[Scott ignores the look, waits it out.]

Okay, well Dean - the Dean from before - got me a PS4 last Christmas, and I've barely played it. So you can help me break it in.

I have no idea what that is. Sounds great, let's.

[In Dillon's time, it's Atari, NES, or nothing. He predates the Playstation Console franchise in its entirety.]

Edited 2014-10-29 02:01 (UTC)

[Scott laughs, only a bit incredulous.]

You're gonna love it.

13. Lucky penny

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